Going through a separation is hard but sorting out what will happen to your children can bring about even more uncertainty and stress. Options are available though to help you reach an agreement about your child care arrangements with the other parent.
Reach an agreement between yourselves
The most efficient and inexpensive way is to reach an agreement between yourselves. The Ministry of Justice has a ‘Parenting Plan Workbook’ that can help guide you when it comes to putting a plan together for the care of your children. It outlines the things you need to consider (e.g. school, after-school activities, doctors appointments) and how the costs will be shared.
Child support
The child support formula can be confusing as there are set rules but also various grounds for departure so the rules don’t apply. Even if you have a voluntary agreement that has been registered with the IRD, either party can withdraw from it and ask the IRD to do an assessment at any time.
Just because you share care equally doesn’t mean one of you doesn’t have to pay child support either. If you earn more than your ex partner you could be liable for child support. Step-parents can be also be liable for child support.
Get some expert guidance
If you’re struggling to reach an agreement about childcare, the Ministry of Justice funds two free services:
A four hour course that provides practical advice about co-parenting for parents no longer living together. It covers topics on how separation affects children and what is best for them, as well as tips and tools to help you navigate your separation.
A Family Dispute Resolution mediation service (either partially or fully funded by the Ministry of Justice). The mediator is an impartial person who is there to facilitate the discussion and make sure the important issues are addressed and each person hears what the other has to say. The mediator will put any agreements in writing for both parents to sign. They are not there to make any decisions and cannot force you to agree to anything.
Get advice from a lawyer
If you still can’t reach an agreement between yourselves, it might be time to get assistance from a family lawyer. How much you use your lawyer is up to you. You may just need some initial advice about your rights or you may want your lawyer to negotiate with your partner on your behalf.
Some family lawyers are trained in ‘Collaborative Practice’, designed to help you resolve your disputes in a non-confrontational way. You and your lawyer meet with the other parent and their lawyer to try to work out an agreement together.
Collaborative practice allows you to find mutually acceptable solutions together, in a dignified and respectful way, so you can plan your future. You keep control of the process and the decisions being made, and it’s often less expensive than the traditional method where often letters can just go back and forth.
Seek help from the Family Court
The Court process can be lengthy and expensive, but if you’ve exhausted all avenues and still can’t come to an agreement, it might be the last resort. The Court will want to hear from both parents and then a Judge will decide when the children should see each parent. The decision is made into a Parenting Order and is legally binding and enforceable.
If there are safety concerns for your children while in the care of one parent, an urgent application can be made. If not, the Court will require you to have taken a ‘Parenting Through Separation’ course and to have attended Family Dispute Resolution before it will accept your application.
Helpful resources:
MOJ – Family Dispute Resolution info - https://www.justice.govt.nz/family/care-of-children/resolving-parentings-disagreements/mediation-to-work-out-parenting-disagreements/
MOJ – Parenting Through Separation info - https://www.justice.govt.nz/family/care-of-children/resolving-parentings-disagreements/parenting-through-separation/
Parenting Plan Workbook - https://www.justice.govt.nz/assets/Documents/Publications/MOJ0504-Parenting-Plan-Workbook.pdf
Find a FDR / PTS provider - https://www.justice.govt.nz/family/care-of-children/resolving-parentings-disagreements/find-a-service-to-help-with-disputes/
Care of Children enquiries - https://www.aspiringlaw.co.nz/node/595